A Passover Saga

by Daniel Feldman Copyright 1997 All rights reserved

 

       Thirteen men and women sat in a circle around the fire, meditating quietly with focused intent. The pungent smoke of the burning flesh and hair of the goat filled our nostrils. Mixed emotions stirred within us and a few could still not hold back tears that began to flow when the goat was slain and the blood collected. Most had never seen an animal slain for any reason, let alone as a sacrificial offering; many were vegetarians. But an overriding sense of higher purpose and appropriateness held everyone steadfast to the events at hand, and we were ready to do what needed to be done.

 

       That day’s and night’s activities were the culmination of a lot of discussion, planning, work, excitement, and anticipation. It all started with a simple question: "If you ignore the modern ritual of Passover (Pesach), what would Passover and the Seder be like if you just did what it says to do in the Torah?"[1] One of the continuing threads in our discussion group, one that effected many other topics, was trying to reach back before the Talmudic period (200BCE-500CE), before the four centuries of Babylonian slavery, before the destruction of Lachish (circa 900BCE), to the times of the Patriarchs/Matriarchs and their early descendants, to find the Hebrew roots of what we now call Judaism.[2] Many (but not all) of us in the discussion group were born Jews. We had been bar and bat mitzvahed, grown up celebrating the annual holidays and rituals like the Passover Seder with our families. Some of us were the youngest child, so we got to ask the question "How different is this night from all other nights", and so forth.[3]

 

       While the individual strength of our Jewish identity varied widely amongst us, we all shared a distinct sense like we had been reincarnated back into our religion from the time of the ancient Hebrews and couldn’t identify with what it had become. As our understanding and appreciation for what our mentor was teaching us grew in depth, we had an even greater sense of return and renewal through the Mystical Qabalah to the religion of our ancient forebears.

 

       Our mentor agreed that enacting a Passover that had as its core premise to "do pretty much just what it actually says to do in the Torah" was a worthy project and, in fact, had been preordained. He agreed to lead the ritual but said that the members of the group should make all the preparations. I volunteered to research the history of the modern ritual of Passover and report back the next week. What I learned was that the basic components of the modern Seder can be traced back only as far as the teachings of the Mishnaic rabbis, circa 200BCE-200CE.[4] In his book A Feast of History, Chaim Raphael says, "The Seder as we practice it now began to take its shape only in the last days of the Second Temple...more sharply defined into its present form in the century after the destruction of the Temple - say between 100 and 150CE."[5] The term "Mishnaic" is a reference to the Mishnah, a collection of scriptural exegesis attributed to various heralded Palestinian rabbis who lived during those four centuries. The Mishnah was edited and codified circa 200CE. The variegated tractates of the Mishnah form the core of the Talmud.[6] The bulk of the Talmud, called the Gemara (lit. completion), is a collection of discussions amongst later Palestinian and Babylonian rabbis regarding passages and topics in the Mishnah. The Talmud Yerushalmi was formally compiled circa the end of the 4th century CE and the Talmud Babli circa the end of the fifth century CE.[7] The section of the Mishnah which deals with the laws of Passover is the Tractate Pesahim, Chapter 10. In particular, Rabbi Gamaliel delineates the reasons for the three ceremonies of Pesach (Passover Seder), Matzoh (Unleavened Bread), and Maror (Bitter Herbs):[8]

 

            "The Passover sacrifice (is offered) because the Holy One, blessed be He, passed over the houses of our fathers in Egypt; unleavened bread (is eaten) because our fathers were redeemed from Egypt; the bitter herb (is eaten) because the Egyptians embittered the lives of our fathers in Egypt."[9]

 

The opening line of Pesahim 10.6 expresses the essential spirit of how we should celebrate the Passover Seder.

 

"In every generation a man must so regard himself as if he came forth himself out      of Egypt."

 

       Raphael goes on to also say that the first full recording of what is basically our present Haggadah is in a famous prayer book, Siddur Rab Amram, edited by a Babylonian scholar Rabbi Amram ben Sheshnah in the 9th century CE. The Siddur Amram included all the Jewish rituals. Rabbi Amram’s Siddur was carefully constructed to reflect the view of the Rabbinites, the "establishment" rabbis in Babylon at the time, against the sharply differing views of the Karaites, who were likewise active then. The Karaites adhered tenaciously to the actual text of the Torah, and gave little credence to the burgeoning rabbinical interpretations that were crystallizing and becoming normative to the tradition. With only small changes, and the addition of a few folk songs, the Haggadah included in Rab Amram’s Siddur is the one we use now. The Haggadah as a separate book emerged in the 13th century CE.⁶ At the present time, we can count over 300 printed commentaries on the Haggadah.

 

       At the next meeting, I reported on my findings. Our mentor got out the Masorete text of the Tenak (with English translation) and opened it to the twelfth chapter of Torah Shmoth. He made copies so we could all read along together. We noticed that this chapter in particular reflected the patchwork nature of Ezra’s Torah, which he constructed after liberation from Babylonian slavery (circa 500BCE) from the precious remaining scraps of scrolls that survived Babylonian fire and centuries of cultural repression, corroborated by the memories of the elders. The verses of Torah Shmoth Chapter 12 which provide the specific instructions for the Seder are as follows:[10]

1. And YHVH spoke unto Mosheh and to Aharon in the land of Egypt, saying:

2. This month (i.e. Nisan) shall be unto you the beginning of months, the first shall it be unto you of the months of the year.[11]

3. Speak ye unto all the congregation Israel, saying: on the tenth day of this month they shall take to themselves every man a lamb (eh), for every family, a lamb for every house;

4. And if the household be too little for a lamb, then shall he take it with his neighbor who is next    unto his house, according to the number of the souls; every man according to what he eateth shall ye make a count for the lamb.

5. A lamb without blemish (Tamim, lit. perfect), a male of the first year shall ye have; from the sheep, or from the goats may ye take it.

6. And it shall be watched by you until the fourteenth day of the same month; and then the whole assembly of the congregation of Israel shall kill it at dusk.

7. And they shall take of the blood, and put it on the two side-posts and on the lintel of the houses wherein thou shall eat it[12].

8. And they shall eat the flesh in that night, roasted with fire, with unleavened bread; with bitter herbs they shall eat it.

9. You shall not eat of it raw, nor in any wise boiled in water; but roasted by fire; its head with its legs, and with its entrails.

10. And ye shall not let any thing of it remain until morning; and that which remaineth of it until morning ye shall burn with fire.

11. And thus shall ye eat of it, with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your shall in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste, it is the passover of YHVH.

12. And I will pass through the land of Egypt in the Night of This , and I will smite every first-born in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt will I execute judgments; I am the LORD.[13]

13. And the blood shall be for you as a sign upon the houses where ye are; and when I see the blood, I will pass over you; and there shall be no plague against you to destroy, when I smite (others) in the land of Egypt.

15. Seven days shall ye eat unleavened bread; but on the first day ye shall have put away leaven out of your houses; for whosoever eateth leavened bread, from the first day until the seventh day, that soul shall be cut off from Israel.

21. And Mosheh called for the elders of Israel, and said unto them: Draw out and take for yourselves lambs according to your families, and kill the Passover sacrifice.

22. And ye shall take a bunch of hyssop, and dip in the blood that is in the basin, and strike the lintel and two side-posts with the blood that is in the basin; and none of you shall go out from the door of his house until the morning.

23. And YHVH will pass through to smite the Egyptians; and when he seeth the blood on the lintel, and on the two side-posts, YHVH will pass over the door, and will not suffer the destroyer to come in unto your houses to smite.[14]

26. And it shall come to pass, when your children shall say unto you: What mean ye by this service?

27. That ye shall say: It is the sacrifice of the Passover unto YHVH, who passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt, when He smote the Egyptians, and our houses He spared. And the people bent their heads and bowed.

42. A night of watching that unto YHVH to bring them out from the land of Egypt: that is the night of YHVH to be observed by all the children of Israel throughout their generations.

43. And YHVH said unto Mosheh and unto Aharon: This is the ordinance of the Passover; no stranger shall eat thereof.

46. In one house shall it be eaten; thou shalt not carry forth of the flesh of the house; and no bone shall ye break in it.

48. ...but no uncircumcised person shall eat thereof.

 

       So, we found a clear and distinct set of instructions in Torah Shmoth for a Passover ritual, a distinctly different ritual than the one to which many of us were accustomed, to say the least. We made a list of what we would need for the ritual per those instructions as follows:

1. A goat without blemish, a male of the first year; the goat is to be watched for four days up to the day of the ritual.

2. "Ready to go" clothes, sandals

3. One staff for each participant.

4. A bunch of hyssop.

5. Unleavened bread. (Each person shall remove all leaven from their living spaces, and no leaven shall be eaten by them for the entire week following the Seder.)

6. Bitter herbs (horse radish).

7. Wine

8. Wood and a roasting spit to roast the lamb/goat.

9. A sharp knife.

10. Items for an altar to YHVH

11. Chair for Eliyahu ha Nabi

12. Times for sunrise and sunset.

13. Hard hats, flashlights, and lanterns

13. Bris ring (joke)

      

       Our mentor proceeded to research out the event in his own unique way, but said that he would only reveal information on what he "learned" if useful or necessary to the preparations. For instance, he told us that we would be sacrificing a goat and not a lamb.  He gave us a terrific site for the ritual at an old mine shaft that went into the side of a hill in high desert country. At the time, he was leasing the mine for its deep vertical shaft into which he dropped sensitive tectonic recording equipment for triangulation with data recorded by equipment based at his home laboratory and at a third site. The mine shaft itself was really much more like a cave. It ended in a cavern after winding its way into the hill about 150 feet. The end chamber was a perfect setting for our "ancient" ritual.

       Shortly after we began making preparations for the ritual, a letter with no return address was delivered to the home of our mentor. Much to our surprise, the envelope contained a valuable, albeit somewhat melodramatic, qabalistic commentary on the Passover Seder. (To this day, we do not know if it was truly sent to us from an outside source or, in fact, written by our mentor. No correspondence accompanied the typewritten commentary, nor was there any information that cited an extant source.) We read and discussed the commentary at length. Our mentor noted several important features, such as the root mantrum "Shomer Mah MeLylah" and the material on the Aficomen, which we decided to include as part of our ritual. The full text of the commentary is as follows:

 

          The white-haired old Hebrew Sheikh Eliyahu ben Otiqa removed his sandals, bowed, and quietly chanted a Hebrew prayer. The sheikh then prayed silently and made prostration to hvhy. All of those assembled did the same.  With the aid of his staff, he stood up into the brilliant cupola of a billion stars. The folds of his robes dropped down to his ankles. He began to speak:

          "In the Name of YHVH, the Gracious and Loving One.[15] Dear children, as Rosh HaShanah nears, it is time to teach you about the deep mysteries of Passover and the Seder. It is being opened to you because the times require it, and it is I who open it because it has been given to me by my dear Lord, blessed be His Name, to do so. Your holy task is to absorb what I tell you, to understand what I say, and to bring those conditions of which I speak into all aspects of your daily lives. I say to each one of you here, if you are not prepared to make the required striving, then it is better to leave now than to bring divided intention to your work."

 

          Suddenly, the sound of the fire once again filled the silent night as the sheikh waited to allow anyone to withdraw. No one stirred so he continued.

          "In the Name of YHVH, the All-Knowing and All Powerful One. The Mystery of Passover includes within itself all the essentials for gaining higher levels of Being. It is therefore of utmost importance for us to acquire both the theory and the practice by which to reach the aim we have set for ourselves as the meaning of our lives. Torah Shmoth Chapter 12 contains the treasury of the Passover ordinance and it is that to which I now refer."

     The sheikh began to sing the third verse in the chapter. "A lamb for a household..."(Torah Shmoth 12:3)"The lamb is of first importance as it atones for a whole household. The lamb is a symbol for that state which is essentially innocent i.e. like a child. The house is the Tree of Life, the Qlifoth in the Four Worlds of Atzliluth, B’riyah, Yetzirah, and Asiyah, and specifically, the physical body (nefesh).[16] One who bears that state atones for as many as are attached to the influence of the bearer of this quality of ‘lambness.’ Hence, Meshiach atones for the whole congregation of Israel in this world and in the world to come..[17] This is why it says, "You should compute each one proportionate to his eating of the lamb..."(Torah Shmoth 12.4).

          "The lamb must be "...whole, a male, a year old." (Torah Shmoth 12.4) ‘Whole’ means the bearer of this state abide in unity (yachid) with all his limbs and centers.[18] The Hebrew word that is used is Tamim, which means ‘whole,’ and also ‘perfections’ and ‘perfect’ in reference to the Sefiroth on the Tree of Perfection. This makes the bearer of lambness ‘male,’ that is, attaches him(her) to the Upper World which is male in relation to the feminine material Lower World in which we live.[19] ‘A year old’ means in this case, that the bearer adheres to that place called ‘First Year,’ the primary creative force in Upper World, which we know to be the Sefirah Keter (Crown)."

          "...must slaughter it (the lamb) between the evenings..."(Torah Shmoth 12.6) ‘Between the evenings’ is refers to the Central Column of the Tree of Life. Therefore, ‘the evenings’ are the Columns of the Right and Left. Slaughtering the lamb between the evenings places the lamb in its proper place of balance - in the Central Column between the two other opposite forces. This makes a triad of  three forces which we will see clearly referred to in the following verses.[20] The killing of the lamb means the opening of the force of the Spirit of the Living Elohym from a self-contained condition to a condition where it can flow forth. This force which flows forth is called "the blood of the lamb."[21]

          "...Take some of the blood and put it on the two doorposts and upon the lintel in the houses in which they eat them..."(Torah Shmoth 12.7) The outflowing of energy of the blood containing the life-force is now to be placed on the three "limbs" of the door of the house.[22] Once again, the house is a dual symbol for both the Tree of Life and the physical body. The lintel is the Central Column of the Tree, and as we have said, the place of the lamb. The two side-posts are the Column of the Right and Left, and as noted, "the evenings." These three columns are likewise found in the physical body. Thus, the balanced energy of "lambness" must be distributed evenly among all the Sefiroth of the Tree and all centers of the body."

          "And they must eat the flesh on the Night of This...roasted with fire, and (consumed) with unleavened bread and bitter herbs." (Torah Shmoth 12.8) ‘Eating the flesh’ represents eating the energy of the Evil Inclination, the side of darkness.[23] This eating can only occur when the energy of consciousness is distributed simultaneously throughout the Sefiroth and the centers of the body.[24] ‘On the Night of This’ means that ‘This’, the presence of Arikh Anafim (Vast Face) as experienced in the Sefirah Keter, is to receive the impressions of the eating of this Evil Inclination as here called ‘Night,’[25] and in other places called ‘Flesh.’ The flesh is ‘roasted with fire’²⁰ referring the Sefirah Fire[26] which is the station of the flesh of the lamb. The unleavened bread[27] signifies the essential bread, the bread without the leaven of the Evil Inclination which ‘puffs up to no avail.’[28] Bitter Herbs is symbolic of adherence to righteousness within the suffering attached to the Lower World, the Sphere of Bitterness in which we travail.[29] The roasting in the fire and the bitterness represent the two side-posts of the house, and the unleavened bread represents the lintel."

          "...But roast together the head and its limbs, and with its interior parts." (Torah Shmoth 12.9) This means that the burning of the flesh of the Evil Side must occur only when the effort to retain the state of Wholeness is maintained."                 "...None of it is to remain till morning." (Torah Shmoth 12.10) means that the destruction of the Evil Side is completed in the ‘Night of This’, and the lower physical world disappears as the Primordial Causal Sun of the AYN rises.[30] This is the true work of man in this world, the Unification of God’s Name."[31]

          "In this way you should eat it, with loins girded, sandals on your feet, staff in your hand, and in haste - it is hvhy’s Passover." (Torah Shmoth 12.11) ‘In this way’ means in the Way of This, the Shekinah. Once again we must eat it with unity in the entire Tree and in the three bodily centers as signified by the "foot sandals," being the lowest," the "loins girded," the middle, and "staff in hand," the highest.[32]   One must eat the flesh rapidly because, "Man does not have power to retain the Spirit."[33] It is YHVH’s Passover, not man’s Passover. Passover also means ‘opening,’ hence YHVH’s Opening, namely the outflowing emanation of the Lower Creation of YHVH, which manifests for the express purpose of once again becoming unified with the Upper World through the work of Man in the Divine Process."

          "I must pass through the land of Egypt on the Night of This." (Torah Shmoth 12.12) indicates that the judgment of Ze’ir Anafim’s (Small Face) wrath is upon the lower grades, signified by ‘the land of Egypt.’ [34] The Passover is the ‘Night of This."[35]

          "And the blood shall serve as your sign...and I shall see it and pass over it." (Torah Shmoth 12.13) This is the blood of the lamb, the blood of atonement or at-One-ment, which must be distributed over the whole Tree and the whole body to effect protection when YHVH visits this Lower World with the judgment of plague and ruination.

          "And this day shall serve as a memorial for you...as a festival to hvhy throughout your generations." (Torah Shmoth 12.14) ‘This day’ we have already spoken of. ‘Must serve as a memorial for you’ means you must remember ‘This Day’ for yourself and your safety. ‘As a festival to YHVH throughout your generations’ means as something joyous you do for YHVH by means of what actions you generate from the higher station of consciousness you have attained."

          "...Anyone eating what is leavened from the first day down to the seventh, that body must be cut off from Israel." (Torah Shmoth 12.15) That is, when there leaven in the seven formations of Small Face in the Lower Worlds, one is cut off from Israel, which is Vast Face. Again, these are the six Upper Days of Creation and one Lower Day of Creation, the seventh day called Malkuth (Kingdom) - the total Creation starting from the point of Arikh Anafim (Sefirah Keter) making seven days. The lower creation must "be eaten" according to the proper practice. This is what we see written regarding the eating of the roasted flesh of the lamb. They who do not know the secret method cannot eat this properly, because there is an obstacle to such wrong efforts.[36] This obstacle arises from the Evil One or Leaven, which does not allow one to awaken nor to maintain this effort of ‘eating.’ This is precisely what King David means when he says, "My sin is ever before me."[37] Those who are seized by the Leaven are disconnected from any attachment to the Spirit of Arikh Anafim, which is the place of the Patriarch Israel in the Upper World of the Merkabah (Chariot).[38]

          "...On the first day and on the seventh day there is to take place for you a holy assembly...no work shall be done, only what every body needs to eat..."(Torah Shmoth 12.16) The ‘first day,’ gathers unto itself the whole Creation, the Upper and the Lower. The ‘seventh day’ assembles into itself the whole Lower Creation. These points are Keter and Yesod respectively. The only work which is to be done is to maintain the ‘eating,’ of which we have already spoken.[39]

          "...Observe this day throughout your generations..."(Torah Shmoth 12.17) ‘Observe this day,’ that is, strive to remain in the station called ‘Arikh Anafim.’ ‘Throughout your generations,’ that is, the Lower World called Malkuth (Kingdom), so that your Malkuth has an Upper World foundation flowing through  and supporting it.[40]

          "...Take a bunch of hyssop and dip it into the blood in a basin and strike it upon the lintel and the two side-posts..."(Torah Shmoth 12.22) The ‘hyssop’ represents the descent of the Presence of Arikh Anafim. The ‘blood in the basin’ represents the life-force (ruach) of the lamb in the flesh of the Lower World.

          "...And none of you shall go out of the entrance of his house until morning..."(Torah Shmoth 12.22) "And none of you’ refers to Arikh Anafim.’ ‘Go out of the entrance of the house’ means to enter the dualistic consciousness of the Lower World in Malkuth. The ‘entrance of his house’ is the Sefirah Yesod on the Tree of Perfection. ‘Until morning’ means until the night of the Lower World has passed away in the dawning of the AYN.

          "When hvhy sees the blood... hvhy will pass over the door and not allow the destroyer to enter into your houses to slay you." (Torah Shmoth 12.23) ‘Your houses’ here means your physical bodies.

          "Keep this rite forever..."(Torah Shmoth 12.24) ‘This rite’ means the Spirit of Arikh Anafim within yourself. To ‘keep’ means to maintain this state in the face of all obstacles and attachments.

          "When you come to the promised land...you shall keep this service." (Torah Shmoth 12.25) When one achieves the development of stability in the higher level, the land of Israel above, it is incumbent upon you while you remain in the Lower World physical body to maintain the effort to unify the Lower World with the Upper World and not allow yourselves to selfishly exist in the ecstasy of the higher level alone. You must maintain both levels.

          "This is the ordinance of the Passover: No stranger shall eat of it." (Torah Shmoth 12.43) The Stranger is the Evil Inclination which should be resisted to the point where it can no longer overpower ‘This,’ the Presence of Arikh Anafim. Constant vigilance is required to oppose the subtle Evil One, and one must continually ask oneself, "Watchman, Watchman, what of the night."[41]

          "Every slave purchased with money...may eat of it after he has been circumcised." (Torah Shmoth 12.44) And also, "alien and sojourner after he has been circumcised." (Torah Shmoth 12.48) Circumcision means the removal of the covering of the creative function and is the symbol of the removal of the attractive influence of the Evil Inclination in creation. Only if this is done properly can the eating of the Passover lamb take place. The removal of the covering, the shell, allows the essential to be realized. "Circumcise the foreskin of your heart."[42]  Therefore the statement is repeated, "No uncircumcised man may eat of it." (Torah Shmoth 12.48) and "In one house it has to be eaten...You must not take any of the flesh outside the house and you must not break a bone of it." (Torah Shmoth 12.46) ‘One house’ means a unified body and refers to the Tree of Perfection. ‘Not take any of the flesh outside’ means not to be fascinated or drawn toward the Evil Inclination outside from your state of unity.[43] ‘You must not break a bone’ means the eating is only proper from this state of wholeness as we have said."

          With this, Sheikh Eliyahu ben Otiqa paused. He placed his left hand upon the right side of his chest and his right hand up and across the left, making the ancient Hebrew letter Tav. He closed his eyes and went within himself. After a while, he came back, his eyes opening slowing. Silently he scrutinized the expression on the faces of his disciples.

          "And now, he said, ‘we have only to connect the Seder symbolism to the secrets I have opened for you, and you will have a clear representation of the meaning of this most joyous Festival of Freedom to carry with you throughout your sojourn in this life." And so the sheikh followed with the additional explanations in these words.

          "In the Name of hvhy, the Ancient of Days and Hidden One. The Matzohs are three, the middle one is broken in two pieces, one half is kept, and the other is hidden. The hidden piece is called the Aficomen, the ‘grasped’ or ‘seized’ piece. It is this piece which is eaten as the dessert or the last eating of the night. The ritual properly understood alludes to deep mysteries and actual processes proceeding in the Upper World, beyond the sensory capacity of man in the physical body to fathom.[44] Although not complete, the information contained in these Matzohs still represents what is most important for man to know in striving to attain ‘whole-i-ness.’

          The three Matzohs represent the Merkabah (Chariot) of the Patriarchs in which Arikh Anafim rides (see Fig.-), and through which He manifests His Sefiroth Wisdom and Understanding.[45] The Upper Matzoh represents the place of Abraham and the three uppermost, supernal Sefiroth. The Lower Matzoh represents the place Yitzaq, the lowest three Sefiroth. The two pieces of the Middle Matzoh represent the four Sefiroth of the Inner Court. Because of it’s central location, it is called the Heart of the Creation, and is Throne of the Spirit (Ruach) of Arikh Anafim. It is the Middle Matzoh which is broken in two.[46]"

          "This is analogous to the Torah which has both unmanifest (i.e. Atzluthic, Arikh Anafim) and manifest (Ze’ir Anafim) aspects.[47] The two pieces of the Middle Matzoh are mentioned in the scriptures in the words, "From Zion goeth forth the Torah and the Word of hvhy from Jerusalem."[48] Zion and Jerusalem are just these two pieces of the Middle Matzoh, the upper being Zion and the lower being Jerusalem, yet both make a unity. Thus, the Torah creates the Lower World in it’s going forth, and becomes the enlivening factor in it as the Jerusalem Word of YHVH extends into the physical universe. Thus the extended part represents every star, sun, and planet and it is the piece called ‘Aficomen,’ the piece to be seized after which there is No-More to be eaten.[49] Included herein, therefore, is both the Unification of the Divine Name - the ‘eating of the flesh of the lamb,’ as well as, the symbolic representation of the final dissolution of the physical universe into the AYN. This is why the mystic tradition continually states that we should pursue the development of holiness with not half a heart, but with wholeheartedness (Leb Shalem)."

          "The three or four cups of wine during the Seder are also representative of these three pieces, or four, if you include the Middle Matzoh in its double aspect. These are also the four Saviors respectively, the Chariot and merit of our Patriarchs."[50]  

          "Similarly related to the above is the nature of the four sons, the Righteous, the Wicked, the Meditative (Tasteful), and the One Who Does Not Know What to Ask. The Righteous Son is the Upper Matzoh; the Wicked Son is the Lower Matzoh; the Meditative (Tasteful) Son is the Middle Matzoh in its upper aspect, and the Unknowing Son is the Middle Matzoh which in it’s lower aspect is attached to the outflow toward the other side, or the Aficomen."

          "Blessed indeed are ye whose hearts and minds are opened, by the grace of hvhy, blessed be He, to the mysteries which we have revealed to you this day, and who faithfully remember and observe the ‘Night of This,’ known to us as Passover.

          Having said what he came to say, the Sheikh Eliyahu ben Otiqa stepped through the circle of disciples and retired into the night.

               With the instructions of the Torah in hand, and the teachings regarding the essence of the "Night of This" in our minds, we proceeded with our preparations. In our work group discussions, we agreed that it was of the utmost importance to do everything connected with the ritual with the proper intention and focus. Whatever the task, we would try to maintain remembrance (zachor) while we were engaged in looking for, obtaining, and/or creating something needed for the ritual.[51]  Most of the things on the list, such as the hyssop, horse radish,  wine, etc. were easy to obtain. One of the couples in our group elected to make the matzoh from scratch instead of buying it in the store. Some of us lived near a forest, so it would be easy to go on a short hike and collect enough staves. We walked in silence and searched for "Passover quality" branches.

               The most difficult part of the preparations involved the goat. First, there was finding a "perfect," one year old goat. It couldn’t just be any goat. In fact, it couldn’t just be any perfect, one year old male goat. It had to be THAT goat, the one that our mentor had described, the one into which a high level being had incarnated for the express purpose of realizing final liberation through our paschal sacrifice. He told us that the goat was born and living on a farm in Sonoma County in Northern California. I lived in a small city on the central coast of California, so I volunteered to engage in the search. He told me that I would "recognize" the goat when I saw it, and nothing more. Faced with what appeared to be a daunting task, I took little consolation in his words while trying to remind myself that "flying on faith" was part and parcel of being a mystic.

               With little more than a month to go before Passover, I drove up to Petaluma and began to visit goat farms. But, what made a goat "perfect?" And, how would I recognize "our perfect goat." On each farm there was anywhere from a dozen to literally scores of goats. I asked each herder if there were any one year-old males. This, of course, narrowed down the choices greatly. But, in most cases, even when there was a male goat of the proper age, it either had been relieved of its testicles or had some other flaw. The story was the same at farm after farm, day after day. I became obsessed with the goat, thinking about it all the time. Thoughts of the goat filled my mind as I slipped into sleep, and again when I awoke. The image of a goat filled the Tzimtum that I was trying to imagine during my meditations. I prayed repeatedly to YHVH to guide me in my quest. I soon came to appreciate that the act of looking for the goat, with proper intention and remembrance, was one of the yogic disciplines at the heart of the Passover. Another would be watching the goat once it was found.

       One night as I lay in bed in my friend’s guest room trying to fall to sleep, thoughts of the goat as usual rising in my mind, I consciously went out of my physical shell and was awake in my Geviyah (Astral Body).[52] The first thing I noticed was that a cop was giving someone a ticket down on the road that runs past the entrance to the property where I was staying. I suddenly remembered our mentor’s instructions on what to do if we found ourselves conscious in the dream state, namely, to "create God in your dream, to meditate the same way you would if you had started from the waking state." So, I ‘flew" back through the wall into the bedroom and "sat down" on the bed to meditate. Shortly after I started chanting the mantrum and visualizing the Name as dancing letters of fire, the image of a goat arose in my mind. I could see it clearly with all its distinguishing marks, and I could also see the farm and building in which it was housed. The goat started to speak to me in a soft male voice which I recognized as my own!  All it said was, "you will find me where the bells ring." I asked what bells he meant, but he just repeated "where the bells ring."

               I arose early the next morning full of energy, remembering my experience and the words of the goat. I started out to the umpteenth goat farm. I felt sure that today I would find the goat, especially since there were only seven days left until the period of watching was supposed to commence. But, after visiting four farms spread far apart, the day ended as the previous ones, no goat. I phoned my friends and vented my frustration.

               I decided to take a "day of rest" from the search to recharge my batteries, so to speak. I phoned up a woman friend and invited her out for a long ride and a picnic. We drove for miles along beautiful country roads without thinking about where we were going until we saw a spot with a picturesque view that was perfect for our picnic. It overlooked a beautiful valley where there was some sprawling farms. The sky was clear, the air clear and warmed by the mid-day sun. We sat quietly, eating the food that my friend had prepared. I tried to chat with her about mundane things, but my mind kept returning to the goat. Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t at first hear my companion’s comment, "I wonder where the sound of those beautiful chimes are coming from?"

               "I’m sorry, I zoned out. What did you say?" I asked.

               "I said, I wonder where those chimes are?" She gave me a look of mild exasperation that said, ‘Why aren’t you paying attention to me.’ At first I had no idea to what she was referring, then suddenly I also heard the ringing of chimes coming from one of the farms down below. It was also as if a bell had gone off in my head, for the goat had said, "You will find me where the bells ring." Well, chimes are sort of like bells. I shot straight up to my feet. I strained to listen through the large expanse to locate the sound with a sense of hearing that had been dulled by years of attending love-ins and rock concerts. Each time a small breeze went through the valley, I heard the faint but distinct sound of chimes ringing.

                I told her that I had to find the source of those "bells." She thought that I had lost an oar, but I told her to help me gather all our picnic stuff together and get back into the car. We drove down the road that went through the valley. As we came to the entrance road to each farm, I stopped the car and listened for the chimes. As we came around a turn in the road, I spied a cluster of farm buildings. They were exactly like I had seen in my conscious dream. I knew that we had found the right place. We got out of the car and listened, and as a wind came by we could easily hear the ringing of the chimes coming from the main farm house. We drove up the dirt road to the farm and I could hear the sounds of dogs barking, chickens clucking, AND goats bleating.

               The farmer who lived in the main house had, of course, heard us coming and emerged from the house’s large wood door to greet us preceded by his two dogs. I don’t think that he got many visitors on any given day.

               "Howdy, are you lost?" he asked with a grin that revealed a full set of teeth through his scraggly beard.

               "Good day," I replied. "No, we’re not lost, thank you. We were having a picnic up over there on that ridge and we heard the sound of your chimes. Actually, we’re looking for a goat."

               "Why, did you lose one?" he laughed. "I got about three dozen goats but I haven’t seen any new ones show up amongst my gang." He pointed over to the large building where he housed his goats.

               "No, I’m looking to buy one. It has to be a one year old Billy that hasn’t been castrated and doesn’t have any other flaws." I replied in my "taking care of business" voice.

               "Geez, that’s a tough one." We walked over to the goat barn. Most of the goats were outside in a field behind the building. "All of my males have been done, except for a few older studs. The only one like you want is "Willie," the goat my granddaughter adopted as a pet shortly after it was born."

               "Could I at least see that one?" I asked.

               "Sure, it’s lying down out there by the tree." We started to walk towards the tree, which was about a hundred feet away. Suddenly, the young goat awoke with a start, got up, and started to trot over toward us. He walked right up to me. I couldn’t believe it. It was exactly like the goat I saw in my dream.

               "Looks like it’s got a hankering for you," the old man said to me. I looked the goat all over and it was "perfect."

               "How much for this goat?" I asked, knowing that I was facing the dubious prospect of taking a pet a way from the man’s grand daughter, over whom he probably doted.

               "Geez, that’s a hard call," he replied. "I was wondering what I was going to do with it. My grand daughter is awfully fond of it, but she has no place to keep it at her parents and it’s growing quickly."

               "I will pay you three times what it’s worth, cash," I quickly cut in. "I have the money to spare  and would be happy to make it worth your while." I could tell that the old farmer was pulled in two directions. He silently paced around stroking his beard.

               "Three times what it’s worth? That’s a pedigree goat, you know," he blurted out incredulously.

               "Yep. I can bring you the cash tomorrow," I came back. He walked around some more, chewing on the offer.

               "OK, it’s a deal. I could definitely use the money. But you have to come back in the afternoon. My grand daughter will be here in the morning. I’ll tell her that the goat is going away. I don’t relish that chore," he said with some sadness in his voice. "But I’m in the goat business, and business is business."

               "That will be fine," I answered. "I’ll borrow a truck and come by around 3:00PM if that will work for you."

               "Sounds good," he said with the firmness of a final decision. We proceeded to nail down the price. He gave me instructions on how to care and feed the goat. Of course, I didn’t say a word about what we intended to do with the goat and, oddly, the farmer never asked.

       I was so excited at finding the goat, my friend made me let her drive us home. As soon as I got home after dropping her off, I jumped out of the car, ran into the house, and phoned some of my friends who were participating in the ritual. Everyone was buzzed. I told them the story of the goat that talked to me, etc. They laughed and told me that if I ever tell people about our Passover ritual to leave out the part about the "dream goat," because nobody would believe it. I told them that they couldn’t argue with the bottom line - - the goat! I arranged with a friend who had a good pickup to drive me out to the goat farm the next day and help me. I would ride in the back with the goat as he drove us home.

       We got to the farm about 2:50PM. The farmer came out to meet us. I gave him the money that we had agreed upon. He went out back of the barn and came back a little while longer followed by *our* goat prancing at the end of a tether. He was so-oo cute. I couldn’t believe I was picking up this "child" to be taken away to slaughter. I love animals. I knew I would get attached to it. He lied in my lap for most of the drive home. Oi Vey!! I had built a "corral" that opened into an old, small, empty chicken coop in back of my house. I made a bed for the goat inside the coop. The first day I spent a lot of time with him so he wouldn’t feel freaked out and lonely. I slowly got him into a comfortable routine and my cat and dog gave him company, so I didn’t feel bad that I had to leave for long periods of the day.

       I had "found" the goat, or the goat had found me, three days before the first day of the Hebrew lunar month of Nisan, the day that our group celebrated as Rosh HaShanah i.e. New Year’s Day. Ten days after that, the formal period of watching the goat would begin. But for me, the watching of the goat had already begun. I was scheduled to drive the goat down to Southern California on the ninth of Nisan to the site where the cave was located. The next two weeks went way too slowly. I now "had" a dog, a cat, and a goat. Everyone involved in the ritual was busy getting together and preparing the things we needed for the Passover, getting all the leaven out of their houses, etc. When I wasn’t working, I watched the goat, and the goat watched me.

       Since the Torah explicitly says to watch/guard the animal for the four days leading up to the Passover sunset, a group of us volunteered to watch the goat 24 hours a day for those four days. Again, this watchfulness was to be done with the proper intention. We did not know that this watching would provide one of the intriguing (and entertaining) episodes in our ‘epic." The six of us who volunteered to be watchers decided to camp out at the cave in the high desert where the ritual was to take place and watch the goat in shifts. We thought that living out under the stars in the high desert would be a great setting for us to maintain the state of watchfulness on the goat, and a great way for us to prepare mentally and spiritually for the Passover. Everyone else would start arriving the day before and the day of the ritual.

       During the early morning on the ninth of Nisan, my friend and I loaded up his truck with our camping gear and other stuff to take out to the cave site. After the goat and the dog and the cat said their good-byes, we loaded the goat into the covered pen we had jury-rigged into the bed of the truck. It kept the goat out of the sun and wind if it wanted, and gave it some space to stretch its legs during the eight hour drive. We started out south after breakfast and, HaShem willing, we expected to arrive at the cave site about mid-afternoon. My buddy’s ‘56 Apache slid smoothly down the highway and the goat slept peacefully after the first half an hour. When we stopped every couple of hours or so to stretch our legs and shrink our bladders, I checked on the goat and spent some quality time with it before continuing on. Traffic was light and we were making good time. Since it was still early Spring, the weather was mercifully cool going down through the coastal inlands leading into San Luis Obispo.

       We had set things up to rendezvous with our mentor and the rest of "Goat Watcher Unit Alpha" at twelve hundred hours at a restaurant in lovely downtown Barstow. Unbelievably, everyone showed up on time and in the same location. (It already had to be a dream.) Led by our mentor’s obvious black Fleetwood Cadillac, our little parade set out for the last one hundred and twenty miles of our exodus to a cave in the desert, with the goat. For us, that cave was one with every other holy cave in every other high desert valley in the world. We were young, we were passionate about our mystical quest, and we were excited. The sky was overhung that day, but our lights were shining.

       Eventually, after a distinct rise in elevation, our most entertaining and eccentric leader signaled us to turn left onto a dirt road that led away from the main highway and up into the lower foothills. We followed (and bounced) along the winding road for a few miles when we came to what appeared to be the entrance to a very old and long-abandoned mining operation. We continued on through and up until we came to a cave entrance. We definitely felt isolated. The cave entrance entered the hill from a large plateau about halfway up. The elevation and location of the cave, which faced east,  provided a great view of a large valley below us, which spread out wide running north to south. The mine was located in a highly tectonic region (and hence our mentor’s scientific interest) where the faults make a distinct and dramatic impact on the landscape. The members of Goat Watcher Unit Alpha were, in a word, stoked.

       Our collective "drop out/back-to-the-land" experience, acquired in the late 1960’s-early 1970’s, had honed our ability to bivouac in strange locations, hang out, and have a good time. The hundred plus boyscout merit badges amongst us, and those great years of camping with our dads didn’t hurt either. We were dying to check out the cave, but the first order of business was to set up camp on the plateau outside the cave and set up the area for the goat. Once we had gotten everything basically unloaded, the most important things set up, and the goat secure and comfortable, we sat down for a rest and talked about how we should proceed. We decided that while one of us remained outside to watch the goat, the rest of us would enter the cave, ceremoniously led by our mentor.

       After washing our hands, arms, feet, and faces,  we stood before the entrance to the cave. We lit incense and intoned the six permutations of the Name YHV to the six directions as per the Sefer Yetzirah.[53] We then vocally intoned the root mantrum "Ani Yod Hay Vav Hay" one hundred times, and "Shomer Mah MeLylah" one hundred times. It was about 4:30PM when we entered the cave. There was plenty of time before the sunset. We would set things up inside the cave tomorrow. For now, we just wanted to see where the hole in the hill went, and we were in for a pleasant surprise. The width and height of the cave was not particularly large, reflecting its age and the hardness of the walls that had to be dug out by hand. The cave winded slightly as it revealed deeper layers into the hill. We came to a fork in the path. Our mentor led us one way and said the other led to the deep hole far down inside of which he hung his sensitive tectonic equipment.

       Our mentor led us further into the hill until we came to a very small streamlet that ran along in front of the entrance to a much larger cavern. There was a small foot bridge that spanned over the streamlet and led into the larger chamber. The end chamber was a big room, about ten feet in height, fifteen feet across and about thirty feet in length with rounded, fairly smooth walls, and a flat floor. It was amply large enough for all of us to stand and move around, sit or lie down, and play drums and other rhythm instruments. In addition to the stream that crossed before its entrance, the end chamber had another excellent element in the natural rock altar that was at its very end. This solid rock table, which protruded out from end wall of the chamber about four feet, was about eight feet in length. It was a perfect setting for the altar to YHVH.

       Having consecrated, "cleared the field of bad vibrations," etc. and gathered intelligence on our new cave home, we reemerged as the sun was getting ready to set. We told the guy who remained outside to watch the goat about what we saw in the cave. We all hurried to finish setting up our tent sites, and prepared to commence four days of watching the goat. Our mentor headed back home. He would return the day of the ritual. We sat quietly and watched the sun set. Our mentor taught us that the sunset was the "Watch of Yitzaq" (son of Abraham). The Torah gives us the image of Yitzaq "meditating in the field at sunset."[54] In regard to the Watch of Yitzaq, the Zohar tells us to chant the Shem Ayin during the time of the setting sun.[55] So we chanted the Shem Ayin as we watched the top part of the sun’s brilliant disc sink behind the farthest hill. We had a crackling fire going which kept us warm in the chilly desert night. We had settled on our watch shifts. I was glad that my first official watch didn’t start until the morning, as I was ready for some serious sleep after a long day of driving and setting up camp.

       The rest of the male-bonding goat watchers stayed up a few hours longer, enjoying the crisp desert night under a gillion stars, staring at the fire as it danced and crackled, and of course, watching the goat. They trailed off into their tents, leaving the first official sentry to stand guard over the goat for his four hour watch. When his time was up, he roused his replacement and headed off for a well-earned sleep. My watch started at the quite civilized hour of 8:00AM. I decided to start my watch by sitting with the goat and meditating. When I came out of my meditation after about an hour, I decided to circumambulate the goat in its pen, silently chanting the root mantrum "Ani Yod Hay Vav Hay" in time with my stepping. I did this for about an hour and a half and then had the urge to take the goat out for a walk. The sitting and walking zichor had made me pretty spaced out, so I thought a stroll in the hills would be a good way to get grounded. I tied a long tether to the collar around the goat’s neck. We had a good time, sort of like a boy and his dog out on the back forty.

       While one of us attended the goat, the rest proceeded to make preparations for the upcoming ritual. We organized the camp site for the eight people who would arrive during the next couple of days and set up a roasting spit that was strong enough to hold the weight of the goat. We also went to work to make the interior of the cave site ready. We cleared debris from the path all the way to the end cavern, swept smooth the end cavern so it would be comfortable for us all to sit in it over night, and set up the shrine on the rock table. We even did a symbolic search for leaven.

       Aside from tending to the material and logistical needs of the event, our small group also tried hard to extend and maintain our state of individual watchfulness so that the spiritual site was set up properly. We discussed and "installed" some spiritual ground rules for our individual and group behavior. From the group stand-point, we scheduled daily cave shrine oblations, prostrations, and rituals. We all agreed to keep communications to a minimum, and whenever possible, to begin and end each communication by saying "Shomer Mah MeLylah" and "MaH ZoT."[56] The group chanted "Kol HaNeShamah Tuh Hallel Yod Hay Halelu Yod Hay" one hundred times as the sun rose and then meditated for a short while.[57] We also did a group meditation and chanted the Shem Ayin one hundred times as the sun set.[58] Individually, we would stay calm and focused, and strive to maintain our state of watchfulness throughout the day, which is no small feat for a group of young bucks. The other guys liked my goat-watching routine, and did their own versions during their watches, varying it by individual taste.

       Our cohorts would bring up lots of fresh flowers for the shrine. We had brought incense and candles, a book copy of the Torah, and a few other items down with us. We used as the center piece of the altar a three foot wide circle of thick black paper, which served as the Tzimtzum (Contraction), upon which were glued the four Sinatic Hebrew letters Yod  Hay  Vav Hay cut out of day-glo fire orange-red paper that glowed in the dark if you used a black light.[59] But the day-glo letters still reflected a lot of the light given off by the numerous large candles, and seemed to come out at least a foot from the black Tzimtzum, giving it quite a three dimensional appearance. (see Fig.1)  The circular black Tzimtzum was set against a background of light blue, representing the AYN SOF AUR (Endless Light) in the negatively-existent roots of the Tree of Life.[60]

       Inside the cave, you couldn’t tell day from night. Once we had set up the shrine, we kept candles and incense burning twenty-four hours a day. After the sunrise chant, at noon, after the sunset chant, and at midnight, we all (minus whoever was watching the goat) went into the cave, washed our hands, arms, feet, and face, made prostration, and did a group chant of mantra which lasted for about half an hour. The acoustics in the end cavern were great. The high quality gong that I had brought sounded deep and resonant. We didn’t have to hit the drums with much force to create a solid rhythm, so we could each use the richest parts of the drum heads, and play relaxed and heavy. Our voices were blended and amplified.

       By the second day we had everything set up and time started to drag. While not engaged in the goat watch, we took walks, played backgammon, chess, and go; wrote letters, sketched, practiced Taijiquan, and took turns cooking meals. The arrival of each new participant gave us a little boost and, as our numbers began to swell, so did our excitement and sense of anticipation. Each of the new men and women took a turn watching the goat. By the end of the third day, everyone was there except one woman who would travel to the site with our mentor the next day.

       Our periodic rituals at the cave shrine became more and more energized. There were now twelve people at the site, eight men and four women. In addition to the four daily "prayer meetings," which we all did as a group, the women got together in the cave each day and did their own ritual to the Shekinah. We had set up a separate group of tents for the women in a spot that provided them with privacy from us boys, and gave them "their own space."

       Finally, the day of the ritual arrived. We greeted the rising sun with the chant, group meditation and some devotional singing. We were definitely buzzed. With the arrival of our mentor and the last of the women participants, things jumped into high gear. Everything was ready, but were we ready to go ahead with what we had to do. The goat was so cute. None of us had allowed ourselves to dwell on the fact that we were going to kill what had become our pet. As the majority of our group didn’t eat meat, let alone hunt or have any experience in the slaughtering of animals, we were fortunate (and relieved) that one of those amongst us had grown up on a farm and had skill in using a specially curved knife that was designed to open the jugular vein quickly and with as little pain to the animal as possible. Still, watching the goat be sacrificed in this way was not something to which most of us looked forward. We took consolation in knowing that, as our mentor told us, the ritual had been preordained and the sacrifice would in fact involve the liberation of a high-stationed soul.

       One of our group, in fact one of the original six goat watcher special forces unit, brought a small twist to opening of the curtain on our Passover drama. This colorful gentleman got it into his head that he would "save" the goat from his fate. He had signed up for the last goat watch before the time of the sacrifice. While the rest of us were busy getting a fire started, changing clothes, and doing last minute things before the opening events, our entertaining friend took the goat for a walk - and returned sans goat!! He told us, without nary a flinch to disguise the brazenness of his action, that the goat had escaped from him and run off.

       Upon hearing his story, the rest of us went from shock to anger to "Huh?" in about a minute, while our mentor was belly laughing. We scanned the hillside and couldn’t see the goat.  So, was this an Abraham and Yitzaq sacrifice scenario, where Yitzaq (our goat) gets spared the knife at the last moment by an angel (our friend?, no way). Our mentor refused to address our questions, and frankly, just kept grinning in obvious amusement. We looked around some more and still couldn’t find the goat. We all assembled back at the fire pit to talk about how we should do the ritual without the goat. We concluded that if we couldn’t actually do the sacrifice with a live goat, we would do it as a collective visualization, sit around the fire as the visualized goat was roasted, "eat the flesh" of the visualized goat, etc.

       It was two hours before "between the evenings." We had calculated that we would need that amount of time to slaughter the goat, drain the blood, and roast the goat whole over a blazing fire before the entering the cave at sunset. Again, our mentor had hardly said a word the whole time, and still couldn’t keep himself from grinning. Occasionally, he would even chuckle a little. We sat solemnly in a large circle at the place we had set up to slaughter the goat. Our friend who would have used the knife to open the goat’s jugular vein sat in the middle as if he were actually doing it. The opening verses of Torah Shmoth Chapter 12, including the instructions regarding the lamb or goat, were read/sung out loud. We silently meditated. The gong rang to signal the commencement of the chant and, just as we all opened our mouths to intone the first syllable of the mantrum, we heard the loud, clear bleat of a goat, which basically stopped everybody in mid-syllable. As we had sat with closed eyes, the goat basically walked right up to our group.

       Watching our reactions and seeing the looks on our faces, our mentor burst out laughing. After a few minutes the commotion died down. Our mentor suddenly started talking which immediately focused our scattered attentions.

       "I saw our friend walk off with the goat. I also saw the goat return ahead of him and enter into the cave unnoticed. During the whole period the goat was missing, no body looked in the cave. I even saw the goat poke his head out a couple of times, at which I couldn’t control my laughter. I was having such a good time watching HaShem play that I didn’t want to say anything."

       We all sat there dumbfounded, and of course, our mentor was laughing. Then we all were laughing. Then we came to a sudden stop and were hit in the stomach with the realization that: "THE GOAT IS HERE. THAT MEANS IT’S TIME TO DO THE SACRIFICE. Boing!!! So, without wasting much more time, we got back into our circle, focused our minds and started all over again with the reading of the Torah. The gong sounded and we began our chant, "Shomer Mah MeLylah, Shomer Mah MeLylah." Some watched, some held their eyes closed as our friend moved quickly with the knife to open the young goat’s throat and hold it as the blood drained into the basin that we had brought for the ritual. The life-force of the goat passed from it’s body as it faded from consciousness. Those who not were choked by tears kept chanting until all the blood had left the goat and the gong was struck to signal the end.

       Then, the goat was carried off to the roasting pit. The participants walked over in silence to the fire pit  and reassembled in a circle around it. The spit was inserted through the goat, and the goat placed over and into the fire. The hair burnt off immediately, sending off a thick pungent smoke that lasted for several minutes. Then the entire goat started to get roasted by the hot hardwood fire. The goat would need to cook for over an hour. We all sat and quietly meditated as the goat continued to roast in the fire. As the sunset neared, we chanted the Shem Ayin one hundred times, as we had done on the other nights. We assembled at the mouth of the cave. I chanted the Torah verses about dipping a sprig of hyssop into the basin with the blood and striking the lintel and the two side-posts. Our mentor interjected and told us to write the Sinatic letter "Hay" in the three places, and to do the lintel first, the ride side-post second, and the left side third.

       While all were silent, I wrote the letters on the cave door. Everyone entered the cave. Our mentor went in first, followed by the goat, followed by the rest of us walking in single file. The goat was carried in by two men holding the two ends of the spit. We had set up another smaller cavern as a preparation and storage room. The goat was taken to the smaller cave and placed on a table where it was sliced and put on a plate.

       The rest of us continued on to the end cavern, where we prostrated before the shrine. We sat in a circle and I made a few opening remarks. We then sang the song of welcoming to Eliyahu the Prophet, and heralder of Meshiach:

"Eliyahu HaNabi, Eliyahu HaTishbi,

            Eliyahu, Eliyahu, Eliyahuuuuu - HaGiladi."

       Most of us just visualized Eliyahu entering the cavern and taking his seat. But two of our group who have psychic vision, as well as our mentor, said that they could actually see Eliyahu enter and sit down astrally. I had prepared a list of the names of Patriarchs and Matriarchs, and known prophets), saints, and masters. I commenced to intone the names, one by one, followed by the group saying "El Melekh Neh-ehman."[61] The list was quite long. Amongst the Patriarchs/Matriarchs, we included Ishmael and his mother, and Mary and Josef, parents of Master Yeshuh. Amongst many prophets, we included Mohamed, Seal of the Shemite Prophets, as well as, John, medium for the Revelations. Amongst many male and female saints and masters, we included a number of Christian saints, such as St. Francis and St. Teresa of Avila, as well as, a number of Sufis such as Shems Adin, Al Hallaj, Rumi, Ibn Al’Arabi, etc. Oddly, our mentor directed us to mentally create a chair for each of our guests, as we had done for Eliyahu. Someone mentioned that the room would get pretty crowded. Our mentor said that you can put an astral chair anywhere in the three dimensions of the room, and that our guests and the chairs could be small enough to easily fit "with plenty of room left over for angels and other guests." I concluded by inviting all unknown prophets, saints, and masters to our Passover.

       The women sang the appropriate version of the barukha (blessing) over the candles. The plate of goat meat was then brought out. We stood together in a semi-circle facing the shrine, staves in hand. I read the Torah verses regarding the eating of the goat, and the unleavened bread (matzoh), and the bitter herbs (maror). Pieces of the goat, matzoh, and some horse radish were distributed to everyone, and we proceeded to "eat in haste." There would definitely be a lot of the goat left to roast in the morning. The horse radish was not weak. 

       The youngest amongst us read verses 12.26-27 from Torah Shmoth in Hebrew and in English, which instruct us on how to answer the question of the children regarding the nature of the Passover. Then we all chanted the barukha over the wine. Our mentor explained that the wine represented HaShem’s power of illusion and obscuration. He told us to sip the wine four times, and chant a mantra in between each sip. He said that by only sipping the wine, we symbolically demonstrated that we were not deluded by Her Maya.[62]

       We concluded our Seder with the search for the Aficomen. Our mentor briefly spoke about the significance of the three pieces of Matzoh, and the two broken pieces of the middle piece. He had hidden the Aficomen somewhere in the cave. We went out from the end cavern to search the cave for the Aficomen, avoiding areas our mentor had told us not to go for our safety. This was a century old mine. The Aficomen was not to be found. One by one we came back into the end cavern, our mentor standing there with his usual impish smile. "Has anyone found it yet?" he asked seriously, knowing full well that we hadn’t. "I will give you a clue. You know how I’m always telling you not to let anything cover HaShem’s Face?"

       We stood there blank, waiting for the rest of the clue. "That’s it. That’s the clue," he said grinning broadly. We looked at one another incredulously. I thought about the "clue." Suddenly, it dawned upon me to look behind the construction board on the shrine table, upon which was glued the Tzimtzum and "flaming letters" of the Name. Sure enough, HaShem’s "Face" was hiding the broken half of matzoh. The discovery gave us a good laugh. I broke the Aficomen into pieces for all to share.   

        We then spread out in the cavern and sat down. Our mentor spoke for a while, elaborating on some of the verses in the Torah, reading some of the commentary that we had received, and answering questions. This lasted for about an hour. Once he had finished, the group relaxed and fell into silent individual activity such as reading and meditating. Some took naps in anticipation of chanting from midnight until sunrise. At eleven o’clock, some of us took turns chanting the chapters from the Shir HaShirim, "The Song of Songs." Following the Shir HaShirim, we meditated silently for the rest of the period leading up to the commencement of the chanting. As the time drew nigh, the psychic pressure was building. Suddenly, the ringing of the gong burst through the silence. As chant leader, I started to drone out the mantrum - "Shomer Mah MeLylah," and everyone followed. Each repetition was punctuated by the sound of the gong and drums being hit. The chanting started out slowly and went through a period of picking up tempo until we fell into a good groove. We tried to keep the rhythm steady through the night, with occasional lapses that became more frequent as the night wore on, and we became more tired.

       The release of energy that exploded with the commencement of the chanting muffled down quickly as the reality of a six and a half hour ordeal set in. Most of had drums or other percussive instruments that gave us something to do, and therefore helped us remain awake and at least a little grounded through the long hours of repeating the powerful mantrum. The resonant harmonics of the gong and a tamboura provided a continuous sound fill against the beat of the drums. Occasionally, someone would get lip-locked or start mispronouncing the mantrum, entirely unaware that they had veered off. Sometimes one or another of us would nod off and reawaken a while later, oblivious that any time had passed. The group’s energy waxed and waned. Then, around 3:00AM, I started hearing what sounded like a host of otherworldly voices chanting with us. I was feeling deeply drunk from the process of chanting, and wondered if I was hallucinating or having an acid flashback (this was the early 1970’s). I looked around at my companions and it was obvious from the looks on their faces that they were hearing them too. As our collective perception grew and the sound of the "angelic choir" grew in volume, so did the pace of our chanting and drumming. The tangible increase in energy, noise, and excitement woke up several of the group who had dozed off. As soon as they awoke,  it was clear to the rest of us that they were hearing the voices also.

       Many of us were now swooning under the waves of bliss that were rolling through the cavern. For many of us, it took a Herculean effort to keep chanting and remain in our bodies. One of the women and two of the men ‘dropped’ where they were sitting. We had seen this happen on some other occasions, and our mentor told us that he went through a period when he was younger when he would unexpectedly drop into a higher state of consciousness. He advised us to "look for a softspot to land." The act of dropping was the result of the center of consciousness suddenly shifting into a higher body, such as the Geviyah or Ruach HaQodesh. The experience could last for minutes or hours. When coming back down into the waking state, one feels quite disoriented and often bliss-drunk for quite some time. It can take the mind several days to completely restabilize after such an experience. Hence, the importance of progressively taking the Name (i.e. doing zichor) to gradually purify the shells to be able withstand the logorithmically greater power experienced in the higher realms. Over time, through experience and spiritual ripening, one learns to set up parallel processing between the waking state of the Nefesh (physical body) and the astral state of the Geviyah. Our mentor taught us that it was important to help ground someone who has come back from such an experience to help mitigate the impact on their nervous system. Frequent, extended experiences of this kind, especially if they are tantrically (i.e. sexually) induced, can have a deleterious effect on the nerve plexes and is not recommended.

       The amazing sound of the angelic choir lasted for well over an hour, though no one remembered it stopping. Bolstered by a fantastic spiritual energy, we were all totally awake, wired and bliss-drunk. Our chanting was strong and steady. The next two hours went by much more quickly, and we soon arrived at the time for the sunrise. The gong was struck repeatedly to signal the end of the chant, and a bomb of silence was suddenly dropped on our minds. We sat and silently meditated, frozen in time and space, unable to move. Though the drums and gong and tamboura and chanting had stopped, the sound continued on in our heads. For me, the mantrum went on without effort for the next day and a half before it faded away. Virtually everyone else had the same experience, though the length of time varied.

       Shortly after we began chanting, our mentor had lain down and did his "sleep trick" - namely, he could lie or sit down and basically go right out of his body as easily as we passed from one room to another. He said that he "wanted to get a better view of the show." His body remained in the same position for the entire night until he suddenly popped back into it and sat up just before the chanting ended. Another member of our group, who was also conscious in his dream state since childhood, likewise laid down and left his body for most of the night. As soon as we came out of the silent meditation, our mentor said tersely, "Nice choir. Good chairs. You guys wrapped yourselves in glory." Without flinching, he stood up, turned around and walked out of the cave. Our other "dream king" just kept saying, "Wow. What a night."

       Those in charge of roasting the goat carried all that remained of it outside to the fire pit. As per the instructions in Verse 12.10, they got a fire going in the pit and placed the goat remains into it to be thoroughly burned to ashes. Once the goat remains had been burned, the ashes were buried in a hole several feet deep. The rest of us wobbled around like a bunch of sots, trying hard, with little effect, to function normally. I remember fighting the urge to just take off running into the hills. A few went off into their tents for a good cry. We had agreed to keep conversation to a minimum as we packed the gear and cleaned up around the camp site and within the cave. We then assembled in the end cavern one last time to make a final prostration and a short meditation before we "put the shrine to sleep." Our mentor carried the Light of the Endless-Tzimtzum-Name as we followed him out of the cave. He placed it in a large folder and put it into the trunk of his car.

       Once everything was packed, all trash collected, and the site looked pretty much like it did before we got there, we assembled in a circle in front of the mouth of the cave. We held hands and stood in silence. The world stopped. Our mentor spoke a prayer, asking YHVH to accept the fruits of our ritual and to bless us with His/Her grace, to which we all responded "EL Melekh Neh-ehman." We then hugged one another, piled into our cars and trucks, and started the journey home, the sound of the chanting still ringing in our heads.